


Undoing Repressions

by TheSmileILiveFor (MissCordayLewis)



Category: Fleetwood Mac (Band)
Genre: F/F, Female Characters, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 06:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCordayLewis/pseuds/TheSmileILiveFor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wanted to tell her one thing. One thing she couldn't even admit to herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undoing Repressions

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you Landice for editing this and making my heart wrench even more.

Stevie told her everything. Things usually written under lock and key in her journal amidst the poetry scrawled in its dog-eared pages, or at least the ones she’d shown Chris over the years.

She kept talking about how she wished she and Lindsey would get back to the way they used to be. How everything she did, everything she saw, all the men she dated; they all reminded her of him in one way or another. About how even if she told herself that they’d eventually get back to that, deep inside she knew they never would. Chris let Stevie’s head fall on her shoulder, reveling in the smoothness of her blonde, wavy locks and smelling the hints of jasmine in Stevie’s perfume. Teardrops fell down on Christine’s jeans as she held Stevie close.

“I don’t wanna live like this anymore, Chris.”

Christine wanted to tell her everything: that she’d known how special Stevie was when they’d first met in that Mexican restaurant. How free she felt with Stevie around; how her heart fluttered when she received those silly little notes informing her which clothes Stevie wanted to borrow accompanied by little messages telling Chris how much she meant in Stevie’s life.

Then the nasty thoughts came, trying to ruin all those good things. 

_“I’m not a bloody dyke,” Chris reassured herself, “So why am I falling for a woman? What would she say? What would other people say?”_

When those thoughts arrived, Christine would usually get another bottle of wine and drink it without a glass. The burning sensation spreading its legs down her throat served to numb everything; it was the only way she could get by. But she’d been sober for years, and the coping without the booze had been tough.

During those years of seclusion, she’d wondered about her future- how different things would have been- if she just admitted her feelings to herself and to Stevie. 

_“You’re a fucking coward, aren’t you, Christine? You can’t trust people or write music or even play the damn piano now. What happened to you?”_

She was a shell of what she used to be. That’s what had happened. It was a fact that had taken her fifteen whole years to realize, and now she wanted to fix it all.

She glanced at Stevie once more and found her friend’s eyes closed. It was the picture of tranquility and contentment, just like the angels in her paintings - an antithesis of the firecracker she’d always known. Christine brushed the hair that had fallen across Stevie’s eyelashes before planting a kiss on her forehead.

“I love you, Stephanie,” she whispered, “More than anything.”

She gazed up at the sky, half wishing that Stevie had heard her. Chris was too entranced by the stars to notice Stevie’s smile, as she clung ever so slightly more tightly to the older woman. 


End file.
